Issues/ January 12, 2021/

How do I Tell My wife I Want a Divorce Without Hurting Her

3 Simple Words “I WANT DIVORCE” but a recipe for disaster.

Divorce may sound so simple but it isn’t. Many people in the world who have walked on this path are now either devastated, drug addict, or happy. But the ratio of being happy after a divorce is pretty low. It does not just affect the wife and husband but everyone who is even slightly related to them let alone children.

However, if you are clear that you want a divorce from your wife, it’s time for you to tell your wife about this decision.

Usually, there are two ways to confess that you want a divorce, you could say it directly but women have sensitive hearts, it can easily hurt their feelings.

Consequently, it may drive you to feel not okay to ask for a divorce as she will get hurt. But trust me, living in a marriage that has no love in it will nothing less than toxic which can destroy her.

The wife has a sixth sense which helps them know if there is something wrong with their spouse or not when her husband lies to them. It may get too late for telling your wife you want a divorce because she would have already known that you are dissatisfied with the marriage.

Because feelings cannot stay hidden for a long time eventually you will express your desires for divorce in one way or another.

So, the woman knows but will wait for you to tell her that you want a divorce. In some cases, she will even start investigating their husbands. It leads her to have doubts which are deadlier than a slow poison.

Thus, if you have decided to end your marriage then you should not wait for an ideal time to tell your spouse that you want a divorce.

While it’s also ideal to suggest that hearing about divorce in a well-planned way won’t hurt her because divorce is itself a disaster no matter how you frame it to your partner. But planning the right way can help you reduce the causalities and consequences to some extent.

What’s the right way? Read below to know the appropriate steps for asking for a divorce from your spouse without hurting her feelings.

Tell Your Spouse At Right Place

Time and place should be considered before dropping this bomb on your wife.

But why it is one of a big deal?

Well, women are truly sensitive when it comes to their love of life. They can hardly think about sharing their husbands with other women. Since they are the most loyal ones in marriage they become most vulnerable to get hurt.

Thus, keep in mind that telling your spouse that you want a divorce will result in an awful reaction from your spouse.

Further, don’t be foolish enough to think that by uplifting the mood of your spouse you can break the news easily. However, it’s not a fairyland, by doing such things you are only going to hurt her more by raising her expectations.

I know you have gotten frustrated and want to end this marriage sooner as possible but rushing isn’t one of the best things to do in this situation.

Because there can be many consequences that can follow your untimely statement; it may cause your spouse to get into trauma or some other severe medical condition. In the worst case, your spouse may get anxious and blame everything on herself. Your spouse might also seem reluctant to accept and digest what you said so she blows it away in the air by making you feel okay.

However, you know it’s not okay, if it would have been you wouldn’t want to divorce your spouse.

How to ask for a divorce without hurting a woman?

To break the news of divorce you have to stay ahead of time if you want a divorce without getting your spouse hurt.

At first, pick an ideal place and ensure that you guys are alone and can easily have a conversation; I mean you can’t do this divorce process in front of your children because it can affect them and their future for the years to come.

What Should You Do?

Thus, telling your spouse that you want a divorce at home when everyone can listen to your conversation, isn’t an ideal solution.

Further, many marriage counselors and experts suggest that you should take her to the marriage counseling office where you both can have discussions in order to get separation smoothly. Because at such place you can have conversations in a civilized manner and you can tell your wife you want a divorce without hurting.

In some cases, you may not find time to take your spouse to therapy or you don’t even find her alone at home. Thus, one of the best things you can do at this moment is sending your child– if you have any – to a friend or someone whom you can trust.

Tell Your Spouse At Right Time

Secondly, pick the time that is appropriate to communicate such information and the decision to your spouse.

You have always picked the right time to do other things like going on honeymoon, launching your business, having kids. So, why rush into this decision of divorce which has an inevitable impact on you, your spouse, and other people close to you?

Therefore, pick a time suitable to discuss such an issue with your spouse. You can keep following rules in your mind when deciding for the right time to tell your wife you want separation:

Make sure that you don’t throw this bomb at the time of any major event.
Make sure that your wife is not suffering from a serious ailment at the time you decide to ask her for a divorce.
Make sure you don’t say it at the time when you have guests at home because it can hurt your spouse very much.
Make sure you don’t have this conversation when there are positive and negative vibes at your home.

How to decide the right time for the divorce process?

Well, you may think after reading the above rules that “Man, what’s the right time to my spouse that we can’t live with each other anymore because every day there is either one of the four above things happening at my home”.

The answer to this question is quite simple.

There is no right time for telling your spouse you want to divorce her, but you have to make a time right.

You have to create a neutral ground that can help you communicate your feelings to your partner with ease. You can try to avoid going making future plans with your wife if you are intending to leave her, check the calendar for any major events, and start giving her minor signs that you are about to say something that is very serious.

On the day, when you feel that it’s the right time ask your wife politely that

“Hey, I wanted to have a serious word with you.”

It can make her realize that you are still human and don’t want to hurt her in any way. It can help you have a conversation with your wife and ensure that you are on the same page. If not, then there will be no way to end your marriage.

However, what’s the purpose of dragging a marriage in which both partners are not on one page and one of the partners has no love for the other? Thus, it leads us to our next advice that thinks before you say and pick the appropriate words.

Pick Appropriate Words:

Believe it or not, the words that you will utter and how you do it matters. It can either make the day to be the final straw of your marriage or can easily drag up the marriage further with many complexities because of what you said.

But, you don’t want that thing, right?

Moreover, the option to yell and just say that you want to divorce as if you are a feelingless robot is out of the picture because you also want to avoid arguments and fights. Especially, in the scenarios when you have grown-up children at your home.

It can further lead to the threats of hiring a divorce lawyer which is kind of ugly, so in this situation either ask for help from a marriage counselor or someone close to you.

I am not a married person, but trust me I have seen couples fight at my own home, being a kid I know how it affected me. So, by just understanding that words are impactful you can get a divorce hurting without leading your case for a trial separation.

One more tip that can help you resolve this conflict, never says that you have discussed it with your family law attorney. That can make couples fight even more.

What you can do?

For starters, think of the different ways of saying “I want to divorce you”, making it too short will sound like a robot who doesn’t give a damn about the other person’s feelings. However, don’t make your starting words too long as well, because it will include a lot of explanations which are not needed in this situation.

Thus, you can keep your lines in medium length with at least one logical reason for your decision that can explain all of your feelings without even letting you mutter anything else.

You can say any of the following to your wife:

“Hey, there is one thing that was going on my mind and you probably know it. This relationship will not work anymore because we cannot meet the expectations that we both have for each other, I think we cannot make this marriage work and we should end this up before it gets too late, what do you think?”

Never play a blame game; it’s not the right time. You have played it for your whole life, yelling and blaming others for the problems in your marriage.

As the research conducted in psychology concluded that most couples blame that their marriage ended because of the actions and choices of the other partner.

So, be a man and a responsible one by not playing the blame game and just let her know that you weren’t a good husband either. Blaming will only drag up your fights and never assist you in ending your relationship.

Further, see the above example, you expressed what you need without getting rude and you asked for her opinion to give her some space, so what you are doing here is letting her know that I have decided but I need to know your take on it. It can make your wife feel less offended.

That leads us to our next best tip for breaking divorce news “listen to her and let her speak”.

Let Your Wife Speak

Divorce news is traumatic as you know, your wife may feel cheated and upset.

She has the right to get upset and question you. But don’t feel bad just because of that as it can drag an unwanted relationship for even longer without any reason.

However, it’s not even allowed to act like a cruel person who has no feelings, when I gave you the tip to choose words, I suggested you a tone that leads her to give an opinion. It will allow you to have conversations that ease you.

When she does that listen to her carefully, the words you are going to hear from her mouth may be rude or hurtful. She may even yell at you. But you are advised to stay calm.

Let her speak and answer all of the questions with logic and proper reasoning, don’t start yelling back at her.

Final Thoughts:

The relationship of a husband and wife is similar to a contract without a way out. But there indeed away, be honest and communicate everything that you feel. Hiding your needs and desires will only lead to dissatisfaction, and may engender you to look for other sources to be happy. However, communication could be done in a decent and civilized way.

Thus, let your wife know how you feel about the marriage and why you don’t want to continue it, avoid blame gaming, and keep in mind the points above if you want her to get hurt less.